The 12 basic needs.
The 12 Basic Needs are the core emotional, relational, and developmental needs every person is born with, and understanding them can change how you make sense of trauma, addiction and recovery.
What are the 12 Basic Needs?
The 12 Basic Needs are the core emotional, relational and developmental needs every person is born with, and understanding them can change how you make sense of trauma, addiction and recovery. When Complex Trauma disrupts how those needs get met, it shapes shame, coping patterns and relationships.
Food + Water
These are the most obvious needs of a person, and our bodies give us physical cues when these needs are not met.
Sex + Physical Affection
In childhood, we need to be taught a healthy, timely understanding and attitude towards sex and procreation. We also deserve healthy boundaries as our sex drive develops through to adulthood.
Relationship + Belonging
We are designed to be in relationships, connected to others with common interests and goals. In a healthy environment, we are encouraged to be our authentic selves and be welcomed as we are, flaws and all.
Purpose + Significance
We want to learn where we fit into the world and where we can serve others. We want to be curious about ourselves and what gifts and abilities we may have, in order to find where our passion lies. We also need help to move towards these goals with love, encouragement and support.
Beauty
We have a need inside of us to create positive emotional brain experiences in order to feel healthy. Discovering new things or seeing scenes of beauty in nature, is something deep that feeds our soul.
Spirituality, God or Higher Power
However you experience your Higher Power, most people in the recovery world will acknowledge that we need to be open to the spiritual part. Being connected to our spiritual side gives us a sense of healthy values and beliefs that lead to humility, empathy and connectedness.
Pleasure
We have a need to experience the pleasurable chemicals in the brain (oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, dopamine), which lead to positive feelings of contentedness, playfulness and happiness. Children who are raised in Complex Trauma experience mostly the negative emotions of fear, anger and sadness.
Acceptance + Respect
This list encompasses the need for love and validation. We need to be understood and accepted for who we are. We need to be comforted when we’re in pain and given nurture, tenderness and empathy when we’re struggling.
Security, Safety + Fairness
This is an important need, especially for a child. They need physical, emotional, relational and spiritual safety. They need to see justice done (wrong is stopped and good is rewarded) and healthy boundaries put in place, in order to be able to say “no” and be respected. They need to learn healthy habits and good routines.
Rest
Something our culture is not very good at, is giving ourselves permission to rest and do some self-care. We need to carve out time each day in order to rest and rejuvenate our bodies and minds from the busyness and stresses of life.
Awe
We need these experiences of acknowledging something bigger than ourselves - that sense of wonder, worship, goosebump experiences or even gratitude lists. They take us outside ourselves and cause us to feel alive. If children don’t get these experiences, they tend to focus on the negative emotions and feel negative about everything in their lives.
Happy, Satisfied + Whole
When all our needs are consistently met, we can experience peace, satisfaction, serenity and joy. When our needs are not consistently met, we will experience a discontent that will lead us to get our needs met in unhealthy ways.
Imagine a life where your needs are finally being met in a healthy way.
If you’ve experienced Complex Trauma, you may feel stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected. The truth is: trauma often disturbs our natural cycle of fulfilling essential needs—leaving us feeling empty, anxious and lost. But, healing is possible. Explore the 12 Basic Needs that are crucial for emotional and physical well-being, and learn how to restore balance so you can start living your life to the fullest.