Why We Bury Our Feelings - The Link Between Childhood Trauma Complex PTSD and Emotional Suppression
The Heavy Cost of Unfelt Emotions
If you grew up in an unsafe home—where your emotions were ignored, punished, or shamed—you likely learned one survival tactic above all stuffing down your feelings.
This isn’t just a bad habit. It’s a rewiring of your brain.
Complex trauma (repeated childhood abuse, neglect, or dysfunction) doesn’t just leave emotional scars—it alters how you process emotions. For many, this leads to emotional suppression, where painful feelings are buried so deep that you might not even recognize them anymore.
But here’s the tragic irony: What once protected you now imprisons you.
In this article, we’ll explore
- How childhood trauma teaches us to suppress emotions
- The hidden costs of emotional stuffing
- Why you can’t selectively numb feelings (hint shutting off pain also shuts off joy)
- How to begin reclaiming your emotional world
(This article is inspired by the work of Tim Fletcher, a leading expert in complex trauma recovery. For more resources, visit here)
How Complex Trauma Rewires the Emotional Brain
1. The Brain’s Chemical Betrayal
A healthy child’s brain thrives on four key "feel-good" chemicals
- Dopamine (motivation, reward)
- Serotonin (mood stability)
- Oxytocin (bonding, trust)
- Endorphins (pain relief)
But in a traumatic childhood, these are replaced by
- Cortisol (chronic stress)
- Adrenaline (hypervigilance)
- Opioids (emotional numbing)
Result: Instead of feeling safe and connected, the child’s nervous system becomes wired for survival—not thriving.
2. When Emotions Become the Enemy
In healthy families, emotions act like dashboard warning lights—they signal a need. A child cries, a parent comforts them, and the emotion is resolved.
But in complex trauma
- Expressing pain leads to more pain (rejection, punishment, neglect).
- The brain learns "Feelings = danger."
- Survival instinct kicks in = Shut down. Isolate. Numb out.
This is how emotional suppression becomes lifelong autopilot.
How Do We Stuff Down Feelings (The 5 Hidden Tactics)
People with complex trauma develop ingenious (but harmful) ways to avoid emotions. See if you recognize any
1. The Instant "Off Switch"
- "I feel something painful Click—gone."
- This repression becomes so automatic, you don’t even realize you’re doing it.
2. Living in the Head, Not the Heart
- "If I overthink everything, I don’t have to feel."
- Intellectualizing replaces emotional processing.
3. The "Whatever" Defense
- "If I don’t care, I can’t get hurt."
- Emotional detachment becomes a shield.
4. The Busyness Trap
- Workaholism, endless scrolling, constant noise—anything to avoid silence (where feelings lurk).
5. Self-Medication
- Food, sex, alcohol, anger—any quick dopamine hit to mask the pain.
The common thread? Avoidance at all costs.
The Devastating Consequences of Emotional Suppression
1. You Can’t Just Numb the "Bad" Feelings
Think you’re only shutting off pain Wrong. Suppressing emotions is an all-or-nothing game. When you bury grief, anger, or fear, you also bury:
- Joy
- Love
- Excitement
Result? Emotional anorexia—a hollow, robotic existence.
2. Your Unconscious Emotions Still Run the Show
- Ever reacted way out of proportion to a small trigger
- That’s your repressed fear/anger resurfacing.
Example: A partner’s casual comment sends you into rage or withdrawal. Why It tapped into an old, unhealed wound.
3. Relationships Suffer
- Partners say "You’re emotionally unavailable."
- Friends feel "I can’t get close to you."
- The heartbreaking truth: You want connection—but your survival brain blocks it.
4. The Hardened Heart
Many trauma survivors unknowingly shut down their conscience to avoid pain. This leads to
- Lack of empathy
- Chronic anger
- A sense of being "dead inside"
How to Start Healing (Reclaiming Your Emotional World)
1. Accept That Feelings Aren’t the Enemy
- "What if my emotions aren’t weaknesses, but messengers"
- Start small "What am I feeling right now" (Even if it’s just "numb" or "I don’t know.")
2. Practice "Emotional Archaeology"
- Journaling prompts
- "When did I first learn to hide my feelings"
- "What’s the hardest emotion for me to feel"
3. Rebuild Your Emotional Intelligence
- Use a feelings wheel (download here) to identify emotions.
- Try "Name it to tame it"—labeling emotions reduces their intensity.
4. Seek Safe Connection
- Therapy (especially complex trauma-informed modalities like IFS or somatic experiencing).
- Support groups where vulnerability is rewarded, not punished.
5. Be Patient
Healing isn’t linear. You’re rewiring a brain trained for survival—it takes time.
The Courage to Feel
For trauma survivors, feeling is an act of rebellion. It’s saying
"I refuse to let my past dictate my present. I deserve more than numbness."
If you see yourself in this article, know this: Your emotions aren’t flaws—they’re pathways back to yourself.
You’re not alone. And healing is possible.